When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed...

All those amazing people out there that are praying for us; we need to have a chat. At least one of you (don't know who it is) is cursing us by praying for us to have something like: patience, endurance, strength, fortitude...

You need to STOP!

As if the kitchen flood and bedroom mess isn't enough, my car died on my way to work this morning. I'm driving merrily along and all of a sudden my car starts slowing down regardless of pushing the gas pedal, weird. So, there I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, no shoulder on a 55mph road. Aside from the 1.25 hours it took to get the tow truck there (including the 45 minutes to convince the insurance/roadside assistance people we were covered), I did get to enjoy some country road scenery/smells/sounds and meet one of my student's siblings who stopped to help Ian (yes, I dragged my knight out to help me) push my car to the side of the road. I let the roadside assistance people know I couldn't wait 2 hours for the tow truck like last time we called them because I'm 9 months pregnant and will have to pee before then! He was there in a half hour with the good news they weren't going to charge us extra for such a long towing distance. That was nice. I took Ian's car to work (now 1.5 hours late) and he rode back with the tow truck to the repair shop and started his work day 1.5 hours late, too.

Halfway through the day the repairman called to let me know the fuel pump was out...amounting to a chump change of ~$590 repair job. Ouch. A few hours later he called to tell me that the gas tank was empty...(hmm that would contribute to my car stopping in the middle of nowhere) ...EVEN THOUGH the gas gauge read 3/4 full! That I found humorous. I'm at the point where I have to laugh or else I would cry. I stopped by the shop on my way home tonight and he showed me how the dashboard gauge won't move. Apparently the part is obsolete, so he can't find anything to replace it. He'll let me know tomorrow if they find it in Wisconsin.

Really people, what are you praying for? The health prayers are working for the most part. I'm having no complications and Jr continues to bust a move all day long. All lights are a go for a healthy delivery. He's even head down tonight! Please stay there little guy.

My doctor was telling me this afternoon (as I was scheduling my induction for the 24th) that bad things always come in three's, so I'm done. And how I should be grateful this isn't happening after Jr is born. Yes, I am grateful for that. I might've had a melt down by this point otherwise.

She was also humorously asking me how many children I wanted since my pregnancy rap sheet is a foot long. Good question. We'll see, won't we?

Cats

I just got this in an email and it's a perfect picture of our nightly scene! I've been trying to plan on how it's going to END when Jr arrives. It'll be interesting.

Yuck!

Thursday night our kitchen drain clogged as we were cleaning up from dinner. We didn't think it was a big deal, just stop running water in it until it's fixed, right?
Unbeknownst to us our line to the sewer is linked to the apartment above us, and guess what that means? Yep, gravity is NOT our friend (anything they dumped down their sink came out of ours.

Friday night I got home from work and noticed that the entire kitchen floor was wet, and there was evidence in the empty sink that it had 'thrown up.' I'm thinking "Great, yuck, now we need to mop the floor." I headed back out the door again to pick up Ian and go to our ward Christmas party, blissfully unaware of the magnitude of the damage.
That night when we got home from the party we discovered that not only had it overflowed onto the floor, it had run the length of our counter top (ruining every food item along it's way), into every drawer (silverware, hot pads, towels, washcloths, cereal), under the sink, flooded under our oven, fridge, cabinet and into our pantry (ruining several food items and boxes storing our extra dishes). It REAKED. Oh, we were unhappy.
Our entire Saturday was taken up with cleaning the muck (save a trip to get a H1N1 shot for Ian). I think Ian mopped the floor 5 times with bleach (he did 90% of the work). I think we started at 9amish and finished at 11pm. It took forever! Ian had to pull out the oven and the fridge to clean underneath them. Mysteriously the drain wasn't clogged on Saturday. The drawers still smell of the sewer muck.

That afternoon Ian commented that the bedroom stunk (he never smells anything) but I didn't notice it (I smell everything).
Sunday afternoon we noticed again that the bedroom now stunk worse than the kitchen and couldn't imagine why. At about 10pm that night I went and checked the carpet next to the wall shared with the kitchen - AND IT WAS SOPPING WET!...about 5 feet into the bedroom. Somehow the 'flood' went under the wall into our bedroom, and I hadn't noticed because that wall is covered with boxes (flood fodder), a dresser, my hospital suitcase and a step ladder to help me get into our tall bed. I could have cried!
We spent about an hour pulling everything off of that wall, assessing damage/no damage and moving it to another location.

I am really glad that we weren't coming home Sunday morning with a brand new baby to discover the big mess. This should hopefully be all cleaned up before next week and we really are bringing him home.
People are telling me that since the pad is soaked it is going to mold and mildew fast. The carpet cleaners are supposed to come Friday. What a mess!

Lungs

A coworker passed me at lunch today and said "You are getting to the point that even someone like me, who is very aware of personal space, can hardly resist touching your belly."
:)
Well, I waited and waited for the doctor to call when he said he'd call today and he never did! I left a message with his assistant and still didn't hear back. About 1:00 I started calling every number I had associated with all this and finally reached someone in genetics. They found out that the doctor had called my OBGYN, (instead of ME! Like that did me any good!) to report that Jr's lungs are not developed so they will not be inducing me this weekend. Looks like Christmas Eve is our day...unless Jr decides to come on his own earlier. Not likely, though. So, I'll be around for two more weeks. :)

FYI: the amniocentesis was no big deal. I didn't watch but it felt the same as the shots I give myself every morning, and left a smaller mark. My fluid levels are normal now but Jr is still bigger than he should be. He's also refusing to stay head down, so hopefully he now has time to decide that's a good thing so he can be born naturally!

Urologist

We got so much information and possibilities from the Urologist that it's hard to remember them all. Basically, Jr. appears to have what they call a 'double system kidney' on the left side, which means it has two parts. If it was just 'dilation' then it would probably resolve itself, but it's not and will most likely require surgery to fix once the exact nature of the problem is determined. It's not life or death and will not require emergency action at birth, just daily antibiotics to avoid infection. It will take a couple tests and probably a few months to diagnose the problem then prescribe the solution (he presented over 3-4 different things that could be wrong and each had a different solution). The nature of the problem will determine how invasive the surgery will have to be. Jr. will have to be monitored regularly until he's at least 5 years old.

As worried as we should probably be about this, it's a blessing to finally have an expert tell us exactly what to expect. Hopefully there will not be any more 'unknowns' after this.

The biggest thing I'm worried about is going through labor again. I really need to spend some more time meditating on it so I don't get anxiety attacks or anything when it comes again.

We found the doctor very informative. An instructor in one of our prenatal classes went on and on about how circumcision is a thing of the past and is completely unnecessary according to research. The specialist gave us a little insight into her statistics. Yes, only 1% of males ever get urinary tract infections (making it seem that circumcision doesn't really have an impact), but 95% OF THAT 1% are uncircumcised. Since our little Jr is going to be naturally prone to infections and problems in that department they recommend he get it done. Wow, I wish some people in teaching capacities would keep their personal opinions to themselves. A personal choice like that cannot apply to every circumstance.

That reminds me of a time that a former bishop of mine told a rather judgmental story (in sacrament, no less!) about seeing one of his former congregation buying birth control and how he could no longer chastise her because she wasn't in his ward anymore. How dare anyone make a judgment about someone's personal life, and then broadcast it in public. You never know what someone's situation is. We HAD to use it after my molar pregnancy to ensure I didn't get cancer, that's no one else's business, and if anyone had said anything I would have probably been a puddle of tears since I wanted a baby so bad. I truly hope that I practice tolerance and understanding, I would hate to know that I had hurt someone by passing judgment on them. And if I have I apologize.

The non-stress-tests continue twice a week (FOUR doctor appointments this week! Three next unless they induce), no problems so far. I've heard of and seen a few ladies get sent to labor & delivery based on their tests. A couple of them delivered! Apparently holiday stress can cause early delivery! I'm glad I have Ian to take the stress away.

I can't even believe Jr. might be here in a week. Incomprehensible.

Names

Setting: Thanksgiving dinner at our house with the Sister missionaries and Nick& Linnea Hall (friends).

For about the hundredth time today we were asked if we had a name picked out for our baby boy. Although we had Andrew's at four months we sadly haven't picked one for Jr. yet. We showed our list on the fridge that is slowly widdling down, then we started making up fun names to go with Walker.

Luke Sky Walker (of course)
Hall Walker
Jay Walker
Moon Walker (that got a good laugh)
Jungle Walker (which could also be shorted to the initial J again)

Then Nicholas says we need a middle name to go with Jungle. I instantly think of jungle gyms and share. We were all rolling around the table, and then they all laughed harder when they saw me crying (I don't get good hard laughs like that often anymore). After recovering it was decided that Jungle Jim Walker is the best.

MY SIDE! MY SIDE!

I haven't had too many "pregnancy moments" but this takes the cake so far. It might even go down in our family history...

The other night Ian and I were driving home in my car from a baby-prep class. We were stopping at the gas station for gas, Ian was driving. Both our cars are opposite for gas pump sides, so we have to think about which side it is when we pull into a station. So, we're driving in and I say "My side." (of course I know what I'm talking about, right?) So he keeps pulling toward the pump on the right side, so I keep repeating "My side! My side!" Then I start slapping him on the shoulder. (LOL) About the time the bumper is even with the pump I realize what I'm saying wrong. "My side when I'M driving!" (LOL-9 out of 10 times that's where I'm sitting when I pull into a gas station) Then I start laughing, alone, 'cause Ian's NOT laughing as he pulls around to the correct side on a different pump.

I laughed the entire time he was out pumping the gas. He was just starting to recognize the humor of the situation when he got back in the car. He said it would have been more so if he hadn't been getting hit on the shoulder...he thinks it's pretty funny now.

Even now as I'm writing this I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.
He got his revenge this morning. I've been wanting to cut my hair before Jr. arrives, and once I've got it in my head I want it done. I asked Ian if he thought he could do it and he said sure. I told him to cut it even with my armpits and gave a little instruction. He got started and about 5 minutes into it he says "Oops." I started laughing, that's the ONE thing you never say when you're cutting someone's hair! We laughed through the entire process as my hair got shorter and shorter in his attempt to even it out. "Well," says I, "you are the one that likes long hair so you'll be the one saddened by the results."

He actually did a really good job and it wasn't much shorter than I'd expected. Now I've just got to adjust to it. Thanks honey!

Darn

Well, shoot. The hip pain is back. After the last blog I was having braxton hicks contractions almost every 10 minutes for hours. I missed a day of work to get off my feet and rest them away. I don't like being unable to walk without limping/wobbling or even roll over in bed! But, I don't think I dare go back to the chiropractor...

I've been very pleased with this cocoa butter lotion. It's lasting halfway through the day before I start itching again. I certainly can't complain about that.

For those of you who are wondering what my belly looks like with all the shots...
Aren't you jealous? If I do them above my belly button I usually don't bruise, but I stayed in that area so long that my skin toughened and I couldn't get the needle in. So, now I'm back down in bruising territory again. Some of those spots are because some mornings it takes my 3-4 tries before I can find a place that doesn't hurt so bad I want to cry. Today (the picture's a couple days old) that bruise looked like a fish to me, but Ian thinks it looks like an anteater! :)
I send thoughts to Jr every morning not to move because that makes the process even more painful. I was remarking to some friends tonight that I look forward to NOT having to get up at 7am every morning to do these shots, but wait...by that time I'll have a baby and won't even be sleeping through the night anymore! SO, no more sleep-ins for Bonnie.

A couple of my students asked me about this so I showed them some of my spots. The one male student in the room regretted paying attention at that moment. It was hilarious, he looked away and moaned like he'd seen something he'd NEVER wanted to see. We still laugh about it.

Update

For those of you who have asked why they can't just give me the steroid shot instead of the amniocentisis, I have the answer. They don't give the shot after 32 weeks, which I was when they made the size/fluid discoveries. Apparently it doesn't do much good at that point, according to studies. It's always nice to have answers to questions.

I also asked the Dr. how accurate the ultrasound assessment of Jr's size is. He said that the farther the estimate is from normal the more accurate it is. And also the further along he is the more accurate. So, since it was over a pound bigger than normal they trust it to be accurate.

Last Friday our night custodian gave me a baby gift. I could tell it was heavy, but I didn't open it until I got home (stupid me). Once I got home and opened it, Ian and I discovered that he had bought us over $100 worth of baby boy things from safety kits to adorable outfits. Ian almost cried. Wow, my custodian did that! And Friday was his last day! I'm now on the search in the district to find his contact information so I can thank him properly!
One of the things in his gift is an adorable, soft, newborn size fleece pajama outfit. We still can't even imagine what it will be like to have a little boy inside it to snuggle with. That will be neat.

For the last week my hips have been 'OH, so painful' and this week my back started, too. I read about this in the pregnancy book but didn't expect it this soon. I've been figuring it's part of pregnancy and I'll be waddle-limping for the next month or so. I finally went back to my chiropractor today (it's been almost a month) and guess what? I didn't waddle or limp my way out of his office! What a blessing to know I don't have to live with that pain for the next month. My back still hurts, but my hips don't!

So, passerby's are starting to tell me I'm looking huge. I know I'm getting bigger and can hardly tie my shoes now, but when I think of big I think of my friend who's over a week overdue. She sticks out several more inches than I do. I do think I'm carrying Jr more inside than outside since he was almost full term size two weeks ago and I don't look full term. It'll be interesting to see how all this comes out.

No stretch marks, yet! Itching like crazy. Thanks Jamie for the cocoa butter lotion, I want to eat myself! And it actually stops the itching for an hour or two. I think I might actually be moving from 'adhesive allergy itching' to 'stretching itching.'

1st gifts

We have started receiving baby gifts and I wanted to show some of the cute stuff. Last spring we received a ton of things from generous people in our wards. They were incredible. One of my students bought us a Pooh baby blanket.
The very first baby gift we've gotten this fall came from J&J&L Loehrman, whom we went to adoption classes with last spring and are finalizing their adoption this month. Yeah! I thought the words were perfect. (worth the wait...)
This week we received a package from my mom's oldest-best friend. She handmade a blanket, sweater, hat and booties. They are so cute and soft. I look forward to sending her a picture with our little guy in them.

Amniocentesis?

Ian and I went and toured the hospital Tuesday night, then I found out the next day we were the last tour. They have shut down all tours because of H1N1. We're really grateful we got to see the place ahead of time and get oriented.

I went in for my 32 week follow-up ultrasound on Jr's kidney problem with the paranatologist yesterday. The ultrasound tech was hilarious and had a blast getting pictures of my insides. She found out that he has hair already! Yeah, I like hair! However, she thinks that he has hair from ear to ear like an old man! We have some funny pictures of when she tried to do 3D pictures. Beware! The Hand! Detached and blobby!

It looks like Jr grew 2 ureters out of his bladder during development to form a weird kidney with 2 compartments, and one of the ureters is likely kinked since it's not draining properly. It's not a life/death condition, but we are meeting with a pediatric urinologist before and after he's born to keep an eye on it and see if anything needs to be done.

Apparently Jr's body is too big for his gestation and that has them concerned. They said his abdomen is the size of a 38 week gestation and his head is the size of a 36 week gestation baby. He's apparently about 5 lbs 10 oz when he should be closer to 4 lbs. They normally see this with gestational diabetes, but since I don't have that they don't know what is causing it. Add to that that I have too much amniotic fluid and you somehow get a recipe for still birth, not to mention too-big-to-birth-naturally.

So here's what we get to do about it:
I had to start twice a week fetal monitoring stress tests in Sacramento today. Their latest time is 3:30 which means I have to leave work before school is out. I will have to do this the rest of the time I'm pregnant.

At 37 weeks they will do another ultrasound, then an amniocentesis to see if his lungs are developed enough to come out. If they are; it looks like they plan to induce me within 48 hours. Wow, things can change really fast! I am NOT excited for them to stick a huge needle in my stomach. I've always planned to avoid such situations if possible! Isn't it bad enough that I have to stick myself every morning?

We are discouraged to be having problems yet again, but I have all confidence in the paranatologists and what they recommend. They are the ones that found my bloodclotting problem, and they are super nice. Dr. Mentakis gave me a hug before I left yesterday.

Halloween

Two staff and three kids in my room dressed up today. A sorceress, an banshee, a ?, Napoleon Dynamite and a princess. One of our teachers was a Christmas tree! It was awesome!

Ian and I start our pre-birth classes this week. We get to tour the hospital and other classes. This is going to be a busy, tiring month.

Last night was our Ward Trunk-or-Treat and Carnival. Since I'm in the primary presidency I needed to go and help - so it was my first Trunk-or-Treat since I was a little kid. It was pretty fun to see all the fun costumes and friends. I was a pregnant pirate and Ian was Dr. Horrible.

7 1/2 month pictures

Stuff

I'm so excited, and Ian's sick of hearing me say it. The last big thing on our baby acquisition list was a car seat. We've still got 3 months so I haven't been to pressured to get one, but I knew that when we went to the car seat store it would be hard to find one light and comfortable enough for me to carry around. I heard there was all different kinds so it would be hard for me to pick one out.
My neighbor had a yard sale yesterday and I decided to go check it out to see if they had one and what do you know? She did! Her little girl is about a year old now so she's too big for it. It's in new condition and comes with all the right attachments! AND she only wanted $25 for it! Now Ian doesn't have to put up with my dithering (his word) over what kind to get, and I don't have to stress about having one if we have an early unplanned birth! And it wasn't a ton of money. I'm so excited to have that out of the way!

The baby is very active and I think he's started developing the hiccups. I was afraid he was having seizures or something with the regular twitching feeling but other mom's say hiccups feel that way. My tummy now sticks out farther than anything else so there's no hiding anymore. Not that I was.

A week ago Friday my early morning shot didn't stop bleeding until 10pm that night. That was a little concerning and none to good for the underclothing! I went through 3 bandaids. The last of which I had to have a temple worker help me put on so I didn't get blood on my temple clothes! Poor lady, I bet she didn't think she'd be doing that that day. I've learned that icing the spot helps! Since I used 3 band aids that day AND I'm allergic to the band aids I've had an itchy rash for over a week now. You can still see the marks where the band aids were.

My job has been extremely stressful this last month and doesn't look like it will improve in the near future. The General Relief Society broadcast was great this weekend to remind me that only The Lord and His Plan matters, and he will never forsake. I need to remember that while I'm AT work and keep perspective. I am SO looking forward to being a stay at home mom. Sooner than later.

Took the plunge

For years I've had a thing against those books "What to expect ..." because I've known too many new moms who freaked out because their kid didn't hit the milestone the book said happened that month, and so I never got the pregnancy one. All my education and experience has shown me that every person develops differently from the womb to the tomb.

This week I asked a friend at work "Headaches are a part of pregnancy, right?" since I vaguely remember reading that in one of my update emails and had had two in the last week. I wanted to assure myself it wasn't because of the stress of my job. She got all bubbly about the book What to Expect When Your Expecting. She told me how she and even her husband were into it each new month when she was having kids. He'd read it and say "Oh look! You're going to be moody this month!" or something like that.

I decided that since I'm now in undiscovered territory, for Ian and I, that I might as well get it. I found it this weekend and Ian and I have had fun starting the plunge into it's many pages. I found out something cool yesterday. The old wives tale that the more heartburn you have the more hair your baby will have is TRUE! Since I LOVE hair on babies I say, bring it on! My hearburn occurences have reappeared with a flourish this week! Perfect timing and now I won't resent it!

Ian was getting a kick out of the dad's section. "Does it seem like you're wife has suddenly been taken over by aliens? You're right! Only it's just pregnancy!"

My only frustration with that is any time I get upset about something I can see it in his attitude that he thinks it's just because I'm pregnant, like I'm not really serious about it!

Best comment so far

"I'm telling you Bonnie (Kim backs me up on this), when a good night's sleep becomes but a distant memory for you both, then you'll know how nice it is to have the baby inside. lol"

Tom Schofield

HILARIOUS!  I have no doubts that that will be true!

Latest Undiscovered's

• missing belly button
• missing ankles
• real, strong fingernails

To Undiscovered Territory!

Everybody do a little happy dance with me! From here on out I'm going into days of pregnancy I've never seen before! I lost Andrew about yesterday in gestation age, so it's all new from here. Although, the last two months have been pretty new because I haven't had 3 trips to the hospital or any huge complications...BUT this is a milestone! Yeah!

faith REALLY DOES precede the miracles

We went in for the follow-up ultrasound and a consult with the paranatologist today. Our little guy's kidney had shrunk a little which was evidence that it is not blocked up. Plus it wasn't showing any signs of being 'engorged' so that was good. They oohd and aaahd at his beautiful heart and the perfect form of his aortic artery and the one that goes up the neck. They laughed about how much little boys like to pee...everywhere. And how he's NOT shy about showing off his goods. Everything looked okay and they don't have to look at him again until 32 weeks - November. It was SO good for Ian and I to hear that good news and not have to worry much anymore. Thank you Heavenly Father and all you wonderful people that have prayed for us and given us blessings!

He was adorable today. I wish I had the video, but all I have are fuzzy pictures. She also commented about how focused on his face he was and how it would eventually move south! On the screen he was brushing his face with his hands. All the white blobs in front of his face are his hand in various positions.

She thought he looked like he was picking his nose!

Oh! You caught me!

Hmmm, thinking....

Time

Feeling better today, despite being up till 1am with Ian in the ER for chest pain. They think he has a virus that inflames the joint of the sternum and ribs. How bizarre.

I talked to several moms today who had similar reports prenatal and their kids turned out fine, so I feel better. Two friends from church came over and gave us blessings tonight. Now I just need sleep to make up for last night and NOT being ready for kids to return to school tomorrow. I was in meetings all day! Not enough time to prepare!

Love you all, thanks for your thoughts and prayers. They work.

It's a Boy

For all of you dying to know, we're definitely having a boy. No doubts... busy moving and kicking, too. He's got all his parts and has a pretty cute profile that is very hard to catch a clear picture of in a still picture off an ultrasound. We were feeling pretty good until this afternoon when the genetics department called to inform me that one of his kidneys/ureters is 3mm larger than normal. This might/might not be an indicator of down syndrome or blockage AND it might/might not resolve itself. They are going to pull me in for monthly ultrasounds to monitor it, hoping it goes away. Starting next Tuesday. (Dejavu -last year I had my 1st ultrasound Tuesday before school started and was in OR the next Tuesday for the D&C. No D&C this time but a problem Dr. visit)

AM I EVER GOING TO HAVE A NORMAL PREGNANCY? We are pretty depressed tonight. This shouldn't keep him from being born or anything, but it's still a problem to worry about. And it doesn't matter how many times anyone tells me not to worry or look on the bright side, it still sucks. Try my shoes on. The paranatologist informed me after losing Andrew that I would never rest easy during a pregnancy again. I've been watching to see if I could relax this time and it WAS going pretty well. Now that's out the door.

And what's with getting bad baby news the day before school starts, huh? I've had enough of that. I'm pretty sure that my pregnancy emotions are full swing right now. I almost cried last week when my distiller didn't flow correctly and have water for me in the morning. I want to cry right now, hoping it would let off some of my steam. We'll see if that happens. Maybe I'll feel better about this in a few days. Sorry to depress anyone who reads this.

And - a new life insurance health examiner is coming tomorrow to try again at drawing my blood. I swear, if it doesn't work this time I'm going to cry. I'm certainly not going to allow this one to dig around for 3 minutes!

The Lord Giveth and He Taketh Away

Wow, what a week. Painful dental cleaning; painful failed attempts at blood draws by the quiet health insurance examiner; last days of relaxation; a full day in the classroom prepping for the new year; my first drive through Nevada to Idaho...

We found out Sunday about Justin's tragic death and were just sick for his wife and five kids. The funeral was on Friday in Boise and we decided that we needed to go, not just to honor him but support the awesome family he left behind. We were planning to play in San Francisco for our 5th anniversary(finally, we usually don't do anything on our ann.), but this was more important. Justin is the cousin Ian grew up playing with on every trip to Idaho, multiple times a year. There were so many people there, more than some stake conferences! The family itself almost took up the chapel. That man lived a FULL life and touched a lot of people along the way. I can't even describe the mix of emotions as his loved ones shared that they know Heavenly Father took him now for his own purposes, but it is so hard to cope with the loss. They feel the Lord's arms around them and all the prayers in their behalf. The messages shared were so inspiring, I am SO GRATEFUL for the gospel. Recognizing blessings at a time such as this is so imperative. Uncle Cortland and Aunt Sue, we love you! When all the men from one side of the family got up to sing a combination of primary songs our baby was kicking and moving around throughout the whole song! It must love primary music!

I also love all you wonderful family and friends that enrich my life everyday. You are a blessing to me. I am so glad we got to see you Mom & Dad, Laura, Christina & Benson, Aunt Tina & Kirk.

A couple months ago Bishop Gubler challenged the ward to read the Book of Mormon in 6 months, like Pres. Hinckley did a number of years ago. We were really slow to get started and are way behind. However we are doing it and the blessings in our lives, marriage and spirituality are incalculable. I've always known it makes a difference, but when I get out of the habit it's really hard to get started again. THANK YOU Bishop Gubler! We're so into it that I brought my scriptures along for our drive to read to Ian in the car. The book of Mosiah is amazing! I think it's my favorite book. It's so rich with doctrine and miracles! I love the gospel!

My sister also got me started on a series by Gerald Lund, The Kingdom and the Crown. It's a fictional account of a family in Galilee at the time of Christ and their conversion. I LOVE books that portray living around and interacting with Christ (Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites was awesome, too). I read the end to Ian on one of our drives to WA and a friend loaned me the 2nd book last week so I started it with Ian on this drive after reading the scriptures. There were times we were both choking back tears, so faith inspiring. It is fun and amazing to image what it would have been like to be there at His time and to have been able to witness the experiences related in the bible. I highly recommend it!

Sacrament was wonderful today, too. The speakers really shared from the Spirit about service and joy. Wonderful. Our choir sang a version of As I Have Loved You. I love the Savior. Then the missionaries shared a spiritual message after dinner tonight. Life is good.

Baby is doing fine so far, busy. We find out what it is on Tuesday! The shots go on.

Prayer

A cousin that Ian grew up with and was closest to (of the cousins) died in a plane crash yesterday. Please say a prayer for his young wife and children he left behind. Having lost a member of my immediate family I'm just sick for them tonight. I pray that the Lord watches over them and wraps his arms around them. I hurt for them.

Compelling

Since the digital switch of TV I haven't watched a lot of it. I hardly watch the news and only get tidbits here and there. Almost everything I hear from others about Obama and his plans has been negative and scary. I'm quite undecided about what my personal actions should be. I know we are obligated to stand for the right and be a member of our community...I just don't know how I fit into that. It was all quite clear when Prop 8 came up, but the prophet hasn't made any requests about this stuff. I'm still thinking on it.
I got this link in an email a week or so ago and found his words and actions quite compelling. A lot to think about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeYscnFpEyA

I'm also torn about my teacher's union that is contributing millions of dollars (obligatory union dues) to the push for gay marriage. I spent time investigating the NEA's policy after learning about their devotion and read that yes, they want them to have equal rights with traditional marriages, but it doesn't have to be called 'marriage' per se, civil union would be fine with them...which is kind of what we've been trying to maintain. The part I really don't like is they want to start teaching it in schools, that I don't appreciate. If I withdraw from the union do I have any job security? My ongoing dilemma.

Tickles

In the words of my grandma Alvina, "I'm not complaining, but..." this is getting silly. My stomach is itching like CRAZY. I think it's both from stretching and healing bruises from the shots. Now on top of that our baby is doing a jig in there all day long at it tickles! So I'm itching on the outside and tickling on the inside, this just isn't fair. I never expected this. I'm thinking I never noticed this with Andrew because I was working full time and under duress at this stage. I really appreciate that the baby is healthy and moving around, I really do. Too silly.

Sick

I just got home from the doctor and it turns out I don't have a flu, I now have bronchitis! My annual curse. I was afraid of giving our poor fetus shaken-baby syndrome until I thought about how it's nice and insulated in all that fluid - a nice buffer. The doctor said it's possible I picked it up from all the sick people I was around three weeks ago and tried desperately to avoid, oh well. So, it looks like I'll be coughing my guts out for a few weeks.

4 months

I'm now sixteen weeks and I can feel the baby kicking, that's exciting. I decided today that I'm NOT getting used to doing the shots like I thought I was - especially when it hurts! I found out this week that my sister-in-law Lindsey is due a week after me, yeah! We've both had problems with our recent pregnancies, so we'll both probably be nervous the whole time.
I can't believe the last two times I've been to the doctor they've told me I'm not gaining enough weight! I don't even remember gaining any wait until the 5th month with Andrew. It's not like I'm starving myself either, I've been eating!

I've had several bouncing people ask me if I'm super excited and my answers have been a little more tempered than expected. I wanted to explain that getting pregnant is only about 1/3 of the battle for Ian and I. The rest is making it through the ENTIRE pregnancy successfully. We're not really going to be overjoyed until we have a healthy baby in our arms because that will be the real thing. I am excited, but I've been this far before and lost the baby so we're kind of 'waiting to see.'

I'll find out what we're having the second week of August, the day before everyone comes back to school. I anticipate that my students will be very excited because they were really excited for me to adopt last year. One of them even bought me a baby blanket in preparation.

On a side note, I had to share this adorable picture of Razor taking a nap in his bag-fort next to Ian. He is so cute! Thanks Grandma for leaving him a fort to play in! He lives in that thing when he's not snoozing on the bed.

More Good News!

We just got home from a trip to see family in Washington. It was wonderful, beautiful weather and lots of fun. Busy, busy. The little kids shared their cold with Ian :(.

I got home and checked my email....I finally have my Clear Level II Teaching Credential in Special Ed in California! Yeahhhhhhh! Party! I'm so excited I can't tell ya! This means I'm actually, finally considered qualified (on paper) to do my job!

Oh, and Ian's background check from Washington finally came through...so as soon as mine's in we'll be foster parents, too!

Requested info: I'm currently 13 weeks along and am due on New Years Eve. I will probably have it before then because they have to coordinate my stopping my shots and then inducing me and stuff so somewhere between Christmas and New Years I think. I'll find out the sex in August and let you know.

Update and REALLY good news

Well, it's been a few months and our background check still hasn't come from Washington. Although we could be really frustrated I really feel like the Lord is in charge, because about two weeks after the mad rush to get ready for C & D we found out I was pregnant. Now two months later it's been confirmed as a REAL pregnancy and I have a healthy baby so far. C & D are still with the same foster family and it looks like it's going to stick, so that's good news for them.

Now's the part you're all going to be jealous about...I have to stick MYSELF with a needle every morning for the rest of the pregnancy to medicate and stop the clotting that caused me to lose Andrew. Hopefully we won't lose any more babies. I have to do my shots in the abdomen and they are blood thinners...so that leads to more bruising and bleeding, yeah! I'm more than willing to show off my colorful belly 'cause I feel the need to whine about it. I am tremendously greatful that there is a simple treatment for this, but at the same time, whaaaa! I keep joking with Ian about how jealous he is that I have to do all this and he doesn't, :). I had to move to maternity clothes early because my belly is so tender, I felt rather silly. At that point it was kind of hard to hide it from the rather observant people I spend time with!

So, yeah happy news! We hope everything continues to run smoothly. We passed 12 weeks which is when my troubles started with Andrew, so that's a good sign!

April

This has been a busy month. I had my spring break, which was wonderful! I want more free time!
Several weeks ago CPS called us to see if we'd be interested in fostering two siblings that were likely to go up for adoption. When we prayed about it we felt very peaceful and excited. We said yes, but we weren't licensed yet and their current foster mom has had a hard time with the idea of parting with them. We were also thinking it would be great to take them when I'm off for summer break, but beggars can't be choosers.

We got to babysit C & D on a Saturday about two weeks ago and got to know them a little bit. They are adorable and D was the easiest baby I've ever taken care of. C didn't stop moving until bedtime - 4 hours of constant movement! 16 month olds have energy I'm envious of.

Last week they called again and said this was for real and so we started getting ready like crazy (and losing sleep) for two babies in our house. Our ward(s) has pulled stuff out of the woodwork to help us get ready, they are amazing. Some friends even bought us new stuff because they were so excited for us! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! We are now almost fully equipped and we've completely rearranged two rooms of our house to accomodate the extra storage needs and furniture (two cribs).

The current foster mom asked us to babysit D. last Sunday which was right during church. I said yes, then had a 4 month old to take care of for three hours while trying to be in all my meetings and do my calling. That was fun but hard to do! Eat - sleep - daiper - sleep - eat... Everyone thought he was the cutest. I really enjoyed getting to know him better.

When the licensor came over to finish the process on Wednesday we found out that we have to ALSO get a background check from Washington since we've lived there in the past five years. WHAT a bummer! That can take anywhere from a couple days to a month! So, there was a mad rush and now waiting. We were sad but I still feel like everything is going to be okay. Their current foster mom has decided again that she is going to try to keep them. Maybe if she changes her mind again in a few weeks we'll be licensed by then. Although we know it would be really hard work to take on two kids at once, we are really excited to finally have kids in our home.

Ian had his birthday this last week as well. We had a couple families over and that meant about 20 people in our little apartment! And over half of them were kids! Our poor cats were scared out of their wits as the kids chased them around the house then jumped on our bed when they tried to hide under it. One of them made a mad dash for safety and scared a kid to tears who was in their way!
Ian got his german chocolate cake and I finally got him his replacement wedding band yesterday...late but with all the baby prep I had no time within business hours!

Good News

In perfect timing for my birthday (on which Ian threw me a surprise birthday party at the bishop's house with barbeque and Coldstone ice cream cake, yum!), the doctor who did my procedure last August called me this week to inform me that my '6 month waiting period' was over. I've had 6 negative tests. Then she told me she'd go do some research to make sure that we were free and clear to start trying to get pregnant again.
She called me back a few hours later to confirm that: all was well and; there was only a 1% chance of having another molar pregnancy again.

I find this humorous...even though 1% sounds like a really small amount, it is actually 10 x greater a chance than we had of even getting one in the first place!

I'm still happy about it, we hope that it won't happen again!

Someday...

I've been listening to the Book of Mormon during my commute this year. This month I'm in the book of Alma. This week the sons of Mosiah are converting and relocating the Lamanites. Apparently NONE of the Amalekites, save one, were converted, thus proving that once a people had been partakers of the gospel -then turn away from it -will never return.

Someday I want to meet that 'one' Amalekite that came back. I think that will be a really awesome story. Too bad it wasn't included in the Book.

Mande Underfoot Walker

So, last week Ian asked me to spray him with Biofreeze to relief his aching back. After a minute he called me back into the bedroom giggling to observe Mande licking the Biofreeze off his back. Our cat is crazy!

*******************************************************

Tonight my mom asked me about my cats. We reminisced about some of the crazy things about them, like: they like asparagus, Mande likes avacados and Razor likes licking ANYTHING plastic.
Right after I got off the phone with her I sat down to eat a half plate of Ian's Amazing Turkey Enchiladas. Yummy. When I was done I set the plate down next to me and it promptly found itself the center of dear ol' Mande's attention.

I'm thinking: "there's a little turkey left, but most of the plate is salsa...so she's not going to be too excited about it."

I turn around and SHE'S LICKED THE PLATE CLEAN! My cat IS CRAZY!

Real Life Heroes

A friend sent this to me and I LOVE it!

Teachers as Heroes
An essay written by an assistant principal in Ohio. By J. Bradley:

"Where are the heroes of today?" a radio talk show host thundered.
He blames society's shortcomings on education. Too many people are looking for heroes in all the wrong places. Movie stars and rock musicians, athletes, and models aren't heroes; they're celebrities.

Heroes abound in public schools, a fact that doesn't make the news. There is no precedent for the level of violence, drugs, broken homes, child abuse, and crime in today's America . Education didn't create these problems but deals with them every day.

You want heroes?
Consider Dave Sanders, the schoolteacher shot to death while trying to shield his students from two youths on a shooting rampage at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado . Sanders gave his life, along with 12 students, and other less heralded heroes survived the Colorado blood bath.

You want heroes?
Jane Smith, a Fayetteville, NC teacher, was moved by the plight of one of her students, a boy dying for want of a kidney transplant. So this woman told the family of a 14-year-old boy that she would give him one of her kidneys. And she did. When they appeared together hugging on the Today Show, Katie Couric was near tears.

You want heroes?
Doris Dillon dreamed all her life of being a teacher. She not only made it, she was one of those wondrous teachers who could bring the best out of every single child. One of her fellow teachers in San Jose , Calif. , said, "She could teach a rock to read." Suddenly she was stricken with Lou Gehrig's Disease which is always fatal, usually within five years. She asked to stay on job ... and did. When her voice was affected, she communicated by computer.

Did she go home? Absolutely not! She is running two elementary school libraries! When the disease was diagnosed, she wrote the staff and all the families that she had one last lesson to teach .... that dying is part of living. Her colleagues named her Teacher of the Year.

You want heroes?
Bob House, a teacher in Georgia, tried out for "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?". After he won the million dollars, a network film crew wanted to follow up to see how it had impacted his life. New cars? Big new house?

Instead, they found both Bob House and his wife still teaching. They explained that it was what they had always wanted to do with their lives and that would not change. The community was both stunned and grateful.

You want heroes?
Last year the average school teacher spent $468 of their own money for student necessities ... workbooks, pencils .. supplies kids had to have but could not afford. That's a lot of money from the pockets of the most poorly paid teachers in the industrial world.

Schools don't teach values? The critics are dead wrong.
Public education provides more Sunday School teachers than any other profession.

The average teacher works more hours in nine months than the average 40-hour employee does in a year.

You want heroes?
For millions of kids, the hug they get from a teacher is the only hug they will get that day because the nation is living through the worst parenting in history.

An Argyle, Texas kindergarten teacher hugs her little 5 and 6 year-olds so much that both the boys and the girls run up and hug her when they see her in the hall, at the football games, or in the malls years later.

A Michigan principal moved me to tears with the story of her attempt to rescue a badly abused little boy who doted on a stuffed animal on her desk .. one that said "I love you!" He said he'd never been told that at home. This is a constant in today's society .. two million unwanted, unloved, abused children in the public schools, the only institution that takes them all in.

You want heroes?
Visit any special education class and watch the miracle of personal interaction, a job so difficult that fellow teachers are awed by the dedication they witness. There is a sentence from an unnamed source which says: "We have been so eager to give our children what we didn't have that we have neglected to give them what we did have."

What is it that our kids really need?
What do they really want?
Math, science, history, and social studies are important, but children need love, confidence, encouragement, someone to talk to, someone to listen, standards to live by. Teachers provide upright examples, the faith and assurance of responsible people.

You want heroes?
Then go down to your local school and see our real live heroes - the ones changing lives for the better each and every day!

Now, pass this on to someone you know who's a teacher, or to someone who should thank a teacher today. I'd like to see this sent to all those who cut down the importance of teachers. They have no idea who a public school teacher is or what they do.

Nerves and Jury Duty

Last week I went in for one of my monthly blood checks required by the molar pregnancy last August. On first try the flabotomist hit a nerve in my right elbow. Then had success in my left arm. After the searing pain went away after about 15 minutes I thought I might be okay. However, complications started getting worse each day (even having problems in other limbs) to the point that I contacted my Dr. and got an appointment.

Oh blessed! That Dr. appointment got me out of being on a jury for a 3 week rape trial! I'm rescheduled for jury duty in June, maybe then I can finally ease my guilty conscience about doing my citizenly duties without conflicting with work. I was kind of excited to finally be called in to serve jury duty, I learned a ton that day. I'm really glad Ian forwarned me to bring a book.

I went to see my Dr. this morning. He says the symptoms I'm showing are nerve damage to the right arm and I'm starting to show markers for fibromyalgia! I don't like hearing news like that! I really need to start eating better.

Camp Loma Mar

When I was first driving there, I almost started crying when I first saw the ocean. I miss it so much and it's so beautiful. It takes the breath away to stand and listen to the waves and feel the sea breeze in your face.

I didn't take enough pictures. But here's a few from the beautiful two days I spent at Camp Loma Mar with the 6th graders. These are from the day we were out at the beach of Half Moon Bay.

Tidepooling. Snails, hermit crabs, sea anemones, crabs, seaweed...

The rocks were fun. For about five minutes there were whales breaching a couple hundred feet offshore. It was awesome! I've never seen them in the wild before! Too bad my dinky camera couldn't have captured them. I'll try to get pictures from the other teachers.

We had lunch sitting on these 'ice plants' that aren't native and some bozo brought in to stabilize the sand dunes. It's taking over the landscape. It was awesome to sit on, much like sponges. I wouldn't mind sleeping on top of it. If you look really close you can see all the white dots - there's a gull convention going on down on the beach.

After the beach we trekked across a big bridge to see the marshes. The creek estuary was amazing and trailed along until it entered this cave to get to the ocean.

I've decided I never want to hike on sand again, my ankles are killing me!

At the end of this marsh walk we came across 'Talking Eudora' who talks if you listen really quietly with your ear up to her branches. She was lots of fun to climb in!

The Door

Back when we lived in Everett our cats used to dig and howl at our closed bedroom door trying to get in. When sometimes yelling and throwing things at the door didn't scare them away, Ian would go up to the door and pound on it really loud to scare them away (it usually worked for about 10 minutes). We learned to coat the floor and door and door jam with plastic to keep them from damaging the apartment, and it's worked. They leave the door alone now.

Last Sunday night I was doodling around getting ready for a trip to the coast with the 6th graders to Camp Loma Mar. Ian had gone to bed, and instead of shutting the hall light off he closed the bedroom door to block the light. I was finally done packing and was approaching the bedroom door to come to bed. I was about 4 feet from it, Mande meowed at me from about half way to the door when all of a sudden KABAAM!

I just about jumped out of my skin, Mande ran for it and I'm battling being furious and trying to figure out why Ian had hit the door so hard, Mande had not been scratching at it. After a few seconds the door opened and Ian blinked into the light. I asked him an exasperated and angry question. He was exasperated back at me because he had actually run INTO the door, forgetting in his sleep that he had closed it, on his way to the bathroom.

After I calmed down I was almost rolling on the floor laughing (he didn't appreciate it very much) at the irony of it. We were all right there at the same time. Poor Ian, the door got his nose and knees pretty good. Even now I'm chuckling.