Hypochondriac

Ian had some movie playing the other night and we heard a high school kid inform his classmate that "fibromyalgia is a disease made up by hypochondriacs to justify their claims." Haahaaahaa! Oh, the healthy will always criticize the unwell. I can't tell you how many times I've heard non-depressed people say that depressed people should just get up and work, and healthy people say unhealthy people are making it up. I remember back in the day when I wasn't sick with chronic stuff and I couldn't even fathom what being sick all the time was like...so therefore it wasn't real, right? I never understood my sisters pain because I couldn't feel it myself.

I'll have you know that until 2004 I was a healthy, busy, busy lady. I don't think I appreciated it like I should have, but I think that opposition is in all things for a reason. Can't appreciate the good without the bad. And I don't even have it that bad, frankly. There are so many sisters in my ward that are in and out of the hospital frequently with horrible things I don't even want to think about! I truly hope they receive miracles! Anyway that silly boy in the movie got me thinking and I had to rant. There are many days when I think about how lazy I am when I'm not up doing all the time like my amazing in-laws, and then I have a good day and I am up doing all day and it feels great! But it only lasts for a day at a time. I remember my sister saying this same thing to me back in the day when my autoimmune stuff hadn't surfaced yet and I'd always console her that she was sick and had a reason. Now I need to heed my own medicine!

Last week I was in the rheumatologists office and I peeked at his notes on the computer screen as we chatted. I read "patient has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia." What??? I don't want to read that on my doctors screen!!!! I remember informing him when I first came to him that a previous rheumatologist had told me I showed "markers' for fibromyalgia. I didn't have the guts to ask him if that meant diagnosis. ????? I had also told him said previous Dr had mentioned lupus and now HE talks about lupus EVERY time I visit. He's pushing lupus drugs and treatment on me! Okay, I can deal with rheumatoid arthritis because that's what I know and it's being treated. I feel tremors at the thought of the other two, I want nothing to do with them. I'm pretty much blocking it all out of my mind except for those times I visit him (plus, I guess, the treatment plan I'm on is working for the most part, so why change it?). I even talked him into putting the next visit off for two months. He's really nice and extremely thorough, I like him. He's taken the time to be very explicit in answering all of my questions and he's the one that found my 2nd blood clotting disorder that's taken my pregnancy shots to a yucky but safer level (for me, not the baby). He may just have saved my life doing that.

We all thank him.

But don't scare me please.

I do not consider myself a hypochondriac that hoards diagnoses. A previous chiropractor said that fibromyalgia is what they say when they don't have a clue what's wrong. Maybe that's true, I still don't want it.

Sister says they come in three's. I've got my three, don't need five.

I do have to say that I truly do mourn the loss of things like; playing volleyball, frisbee; exercise like push-ups, jogging, yoga, crawling (even riding a bike can be difficult); and hard work like using a hammer, crowbar or ax. Those things are pretty therapeutic.

Ranting done. Apologizes to anyone for tmi.

My true purpose in writing today was that my men are sick. The kind we all relate to, sympathize with and DO NOT want to catch. Q's face turned into a virtual fountain of yuck on Sunday and it only gets worse by the day. It's so bad today that his nose is bleeding from all the kleenex wipes I've been inflicting on him. ('m still going to have to wipe down the furniture 'cause I haven't been 100% successful at catching it all). Then yesterday Ian came home sick after lunch and slept all afternoon. He tried going back to work today, hopefully he makes it and gets better quickly. I'm praying I don't get this infernal plague because it hasn't even been a month since the last one and I'm pregnant. This means I can't hardly take anything to help. Plus next week is a family holiday and I don't want to be miserable and/or share the misery. I know it's probably hopeless because Q and I share everything (that is until the facial fountain started). Plus he's sneezing/coughing on me, my plates, my bed... But I can hope. Rather ironic that all of a sudden he's wanting kisses again. Eww.