Catch-up #3: Me

Last winter Ian had mentioned that we might try cloth diapers for Q to save money. After rethinking my complete refusal at the idea, a few weeks later I started researching. Wowsers, it's a whole different ballgame than when I was a kid. All-in-ones, hybrids, pockets, one size...I was swimming in unknown terms. I decided to try a mix of a few and ordered them. Not long after that we went down to visit Nate and Katie (whom I know use them and even made their own). I asked a lot of questions while I was there and would you believe Katie's influence (and offer to loan the snap press) convinced me to make my own? Crazy, right? It took over a month for the supplies to finally arrive. Four yards of PUL yielded 22 diapers (should have been 24 but I messed up my first cutting), so we'll have enough and then some! I'm currently in the middle of the first snapping installment (4 broken snaps so far--requiring removal by teeth). Next will be sewing the first seam, then elastic, then sew, then snap again. It's hard for me to believe I'm doing this, but it feels good at the same time. We're saving money in the long term and reducing land fills! Oh, by the way I'm making one-size pocket diapers. This means the size adjusts from newborn to potty training. Katie gave me the pattern and everything. I'm pretty excited. Plus I've been able to make my own diaper pail liners and wet-bags for on the go! (actually I'm at the elastic stage now...took me a while to finish this post)

While I've been at this cloth diaper exploration I've been finding deals on accessories and ran across a lady in northern Wa that has her own online diaper business, which she was closing. I couldn't believe she was just letting it go. Ian pushed us to research buying it from her so we could have a business at home. We went as far as to contact the bank, and go to her house to learn about what she had, but when it came down to it...it didn't feel right for us. I didn't want to devote that many hours away from Q or the pressure of having to grow it. Man it was tempting, though.

I went to the temple a number of months ago for the first time since before Q was born with my friends Genevieve and Maren. (Sidenote: every time I go to the Seattle temple I run into someone I know. This time Dan Pugmire and Bishop Rudd were in the cafeteria!) I was curious to see how it would go since I usually struggle to stay awake. This was a whole new experience this time. The entire session I was being told to adopt a baby girl I had just learned about. I kept trying to clear my head and refocus on the session but it only lasted 30 seconds before my mind was racing to plan the details to make the adoption happen. Finally, in the celestial room I told Heavenly Father that I would start working on it BUT this wasn't the insight I was seeking in my temple attendance that day. Then he graciously answered my silent plea. My answer: nothing in life is meant to be perfect, aside from our relationship with Heavenly Father and the Savior. Our purpose in life is to learn, grow, and roll with the punches. Do the best we can and get back to Him by being faithful. Wow, this may sound simple and 'duh' to other people but it really got to my heart. My whole life I have striven to be perfect (I know, it's impossible) and have truly been disappointed over and over again (as well as way too uptight). It had most recently caused a lot of depression and frustration in my daily life because some HUGE imperfections had come to light. I feel like I have been partially healed of one of the greatest misconceptions I've carried around my entire life. I wrote this out and put it in my kitchen window to remind myself several times a week to take a deep breath and move on. Whether it's me, struggles we face, or the people around me...none of us are perfect and shouldn't be expected to be (my expectations are now sanity and doing our best)! Thank you Heavenly Father! You always know the right thing to say!

In March my Alaskan foster daughter Desiree found me on facebook. I hadn't talked to her since 2003, when she was about 11. How exciting! She was having a rough time on her own in Bethel with a sweet baby girl in foster care. (I'm a foster grandma!) It has been a unique experience to communicate with her after all these years and catch up on her life. I truly wish that I could fly up there and give her a big hug!

About the same time I noticed that my face was tense and tight every time I stopped to notice. I was worried it was stress, but when my eyes started hurting too I realized it was my glasses expiring. I worried about it for a while because glasses and exams cost moolah. However I dug around in my boxes and found my old glasses and after a day or two more of strain my eyes accepted the old ones and are now happy campers! Lucky day!

This is a poem our sweet support group leader shared with us as she said goodbye. I find it truly insightful and meaningful for this past couple years. Trials in all forms are difficult and often painful, but bring wisdom.

PAIN
Pain stayed with me so long today
I stamped my foot and said, "Be on your way",
And startled at the look he wore,
"I who have been your friend," he said to me,
"I who have been your teacher."
"All you know of understanding, love, sympathy, and patience I have taught you. Shall I go?"
He spoke the truth, this strange unwelcome guest.
I watched him leave and knew that he was wise.
He left a heart grown tender in my breast,
He left a far clearer vision in my eyes.
I dried my tears and lifted up a song,
Even for the one who had tortured me so long.
--Author unknown