Not that we couldn't use a bit of real rain around here...
Most of you already know the recent events of whats been happening in our household, but I figured I'd post it, too. Last spring I accepted a new teaching position in my school district. I was going from my cushy job as a resource teacher at the High School to the SDC teacher at the Middle School. A job ten times harder + students going through puberty.
After my trip to WA I was pretty wiped and spent my last week of vacation reading fun books that I'd been depriving myself of because I can NEVER put them down once I pick them up. The week that school started I was gearing myself up for the huge challenge ahead of running a special day class and supervising 6 staff. That same week my car needed over a thousand dollars of repairs after a failed emissions test. Ian had decided to share his nasty cold with me on the same day that I was going in for my much anticipated first prenatal visit since losing Andrew. I had been feeling pretty crummy with nausea even before the cold.
Well, the nurse nor the doctor could find a fetus on the ultrasound. It got worse from there. Not only was I not going to have a baby, this was some weird genetic mutation that would turn into cancer if not immediately removed and would deprive us of the opportunity to try again for about a year. I was furious, talk about feeling betrayed. One week later Ian and I were in OR for them to remove what they call a "Complete Molar Pregnancy." Lucky us, we've gotten another rare reproductive problem with devasating consequences. Here's a site with more info if you want it: https://members.kaiserpermanente.org/kpweb/healthency.do?hwid=hw165877
Some have said that at least we didn't have a baby to mourn this time. I suppose that's true, but we thought we did, we hoped we did.
This has been another extremely difficult time for us. After about two weeks I'm starting to feel physically better. I really don't understand why we are being deprived of the opportunity to be parents. We've been trying really hard not to dwell on it, and, just like last time, my blessings make themselves apparent every day.
I KNOW Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me, I don't understand their lack of intervention in the growth of our family, but I know they are there. My job, of which I was so worried about going well, has turned out phenominally well. My students are great and the aides in my room are terrific and work together. Adminstrative support has been bounteous. The fact that I have a job has been a tremendous blessing because I have to be 'on my game' every day I'm there and that means I don't have time to think about my personal problems. My ward family has been so supportive. I feel calm and that things will be okay. Little things happen every day to let me know that I am loved and appreciated. Who could ask for more than that? ..except maybe a child.
I think that when it rains trials, it pours blessings as well. It's just up to us to recognize them in the blur.
the end of a blog
6 years ago
