Today

Today was the day we finally had to put up a gate to protect the cat food and litter.

Today is the day my baby is finally free.

Splendid

I had forgotten how truly splendid the forest air is. Sweet, refreshing, lovely. It started coming through the car vents driving home last night. Ahhh

Hope, shots and MOPS

I went to MOPS for the 1st time yesterday. It was awesome, I'm really excited to go now. They had a whole bunch of grandma's and grandpa's in the nursery for Q to snuggle with. I thought that was really sweet. We had to leave early but one of these days we'll go to the whole thing. I was impressed at how organized and supportive it was. I'm really excited, wish I'd started this months ago.

Q had his 12 month check up yesterday. We hate shots! On our way out I had to use the restroom and didn't want to sit him on the floor so I stood him up next to the wall. When he saw me use the tp he began maneuvering over to it. I tried to block him so instead he reached between my legs and grabbed the toilet! Gross, lol, just can't win. Now I had to wash his hands and mine! TP would have been better! How do mom's with more than one kid do this? Next we went to the country store to buy wood pellets. I was so distracted I drove off to the gas station before I realized I'd forgotten to drive around back to pick up the bags! Silly, silly.

Two days ago I slammed my head into a pointy doorknob. Man did that hurt! I'd almost forgotten about it until I started scrubbing my hair in the shower today. Ouch! How long does it take for a goose-egg to go away? My new rasberry shower gel made me feel like I was using my childhood lip gloss. :) That was fun.

I was kind of excited for Q's OT to come today so she could see all the amazing progress he's made in the last few weeks. I know she's going to be giddy when she sees what he's doing now. But, snow and sickness have put that off for another week. ;( Maybe he'll pull out a new feat to share by then!

I found out a couple weeks ago that a college friend of mine had lost her husband rather suddenly. Heart wrenching, I know what it's like to lose someone you love and not know how to go on, or breathe. Learning about her grief has lent a whole new dimension to my own personal struggles over the past month. It is amazing to me the depth of, of...I guess the word is feeling...that we experience in this mortal life. [Actually, I should rephrase that to some of us instead of 'we.' I have met people that have never had true struggles to deal with and therefore can't even comprehend what I am saying. Literally. (I've actually had more than one of them say that we should just focus on our blessings and be happy)] I know that the scriptures say that we have to experience the bad to truly experience the good. For a while now I've known how true that is, but I haven't liked it. But even in the last month I've been through this all over again. Two weeks ago I felt completely alone, trapped, hurt, furious and helpless. Hopeless, I could see no resolution to my problem. I had been praying for help for over a month and it seemed to only get worse. A few days later, a few words were spoken and my whole outlook changed. All is not resolved, but hope has been restored. I don't think I ever truly appreciated how essential hope is until I'd lost it.

I think this is my miracle for today: even when we feel we are in the gall of bitterness, Christ is still there watching over us. I know He lives! He will heal our hurts. And I know we will see Him and our lost loved ones again someday.

Developments

Quintin:

• started facing forward in the car. YIPPEEE!
  
• cut his 7th tooth this last week.
• commando crawled about 20 feet.
  
• started crawling on his hands and knees for short stints....MIRACLE! (he was crawling some but his head was also down to support - so he had 5 points on the floor...looks kinda silly)
  
• can move from laying to sitting and pull himself to standing with his elbows on the table.
• can walk holding one hand now, instead of two. (you need one free hand to carry a toy along with you, of course!)
• can stand on his own for half a minute.
• had his first bad fall--head slam onto the floor.
• met his 3rd Urologist. Children's Hospital was pretty cool!
• his tongue sticks out most of the time, now. (watch out if you try to kiss him)
  
• had a long visit with Aunt Becky and cousins yesterday - and LOVED it!
• can't figure out when and how long he wants to sleep. I think we're transitioning to one nap a day.
  

Wow, what a week.
Somehow I got a hair of some sort stuck into my heel on Tuesday. It developed into a subcutaneous infection by Wednesday. I tried to drain it but it continued painfully growing. It's really difficult to get through the toughest skin on the body! I was worried about it since we don't have insurance. My parents loaned us some money so I decided to go to the walk-in clinic on Thursday. I dropped Q off with Becky at TaeKwonDo (how much more exciting can it get for a 1 year old?) and went in. I think it was the same doctor as the last time I went. He was so nice. Did you know there are thousands of pounds of pressure per square inch on your heel while you're standing/walking? No wonder I couldn't walk. His procedure hardly hurt. He left me with a hole in my foot to go find some support so I could start walking again. (limping around on the ball of my foot was causing cramps all the way up my leg!) I just laid there and cried...I wasn't crazy, there really was a problem that needed dealing with, and he helped me. It feels so releasing to cry. I've been trying to for several months now to let off some of the stress, but couldn't until this week. I don't understand why things have to get so bad in order for me to let go. Only now I feel like I could cry anytime and it feels raw...don't know if I like that either.

Aside from when Andrew died, this last month has been the hardest month to live through of my life. I'm so grateful for Q, if it weren't for him I wouldn't have made it through. Same for Ian. Even if we would give up on things for ourselves, Q is worth anything in the world.

Our counseling appointment this week was incredible. I think something clicked and I just might see hope that we'll be okay down the road. Our counselor is incredible and somehow finds a way to see the good in the bad. Her perspective each week is invaluable. I find it curious that she answers a question each week that I actually asked the week before, maybe she doesn't notice. Or maybe she needed time to answer? Regardless, it's wonderful to get answers. She's teaching us how to spin in a positive direction instead of negative. This is starting to feel like a group project at school...you learn in class, go home and practice, then come back and get corrected and/or validated for your efforts. I'm really grateful.

I've started branching out of my chocolate chip cookie rut and making new types. It's a bit of an adventure. Ginger crinkles last month, chocolate cream cheese sandwich cookies this month. I pressed some with a cool snowman press we've had but never used. I tried lemon frosting on most of them and Nutella when I ran out. I think the Nutella was better. The cream cheese cookies were quite blah so I don't think we'll make those again.

I didn't expect to be so truly alone out here on Camano. I miss Davis and all its conveniences. Close stores, close neighbors to socialize with, warmth, sidewalks to stroll on, convenient things to do...I'm truly grateful we have such a nice place to stay for now, but it's still tough. When I was a kid I planned on living out in the boonies like this, but I don't think now is the time, yet.

Our neighbor Alice is teaching me what the local birds are.
We have Towhee,
Mourning dove,
Junco,
Nuthatch,

Chickadee,
Wren (I think, although mine are more grey) ,
Downy woodpeckerand
Northern Flicker woodpeckers and
two types of squirrels; pesky grey invader squirrels and
shy brown native squirrels. The Northern Flicker woodpecker is the largest, then the doves and Towhee.I enjoy being able to identify them as they use the bird feeder outside the window. Q and the cats enjoy the show as well. When we go outside we can hear the eagles chatting away in the trees and soaring in the wind above the house. Wonderful.

More Q videos

Daddy was spinning him in the chair.

Now that Q can crawl he's been discovering all sorts of fun new things. This day he found the cat feather and was DELIGHTED that they were actually interacting with him instead of running away! By the way I was on the phone during filming.

All winter Q will rip off any hat I put on his head to keep him warm. This time I showed him what it looked like in the mirror hoping he'd leave it on a little longer. He loved it!
Another day he's showing his 'cruising' skills and laughing at his reflection.